Anger Isn’t the Enemy: How Therapy Can Help Us Feel Safely

Anger gets a bad reputation. We’re often taught to fear it, repress it, or judge it—especially in queer and marginalised communities, where anger can feel like a risk to our safety or our sense of belonging. But what if anger isn’t the enemy? What if it’s a powerful messenger—and one we can meet with care?

At Be/Here, we often work with people who are scared of their anger. Many have been told their feelings are too much, too loud, too dangerous. Some have never had the space to explore what sits underneath that anger, grief, fear, shame, the chronic exhaustion of being misunderstood.

Therapy offers that space. It’s not about “fixing” anger, but about understanding it.

What Anger is Really Trying to Tell Us

In Therapy Today, therapist Sam Parker writes candidly about their relationship with anger, describing it as “an emotion long demonised and feared in therapeutic spaces.” They reflect on how, even as therapists, we can carry cultural bias around anger, especially when people from racialised or marginalised identities express it.

Parker encourages us to stop seeing anger as a problem and instead to explore its wisdom. In their words:

“I’ve come to see anger not as a failure of emotional regulation but a sign of emotional truth.”

That resonates deeply with many of us. Anger can be a boundary, a flare that says, “this hurts,” or “this isn’t right.”

When it’s safely held in therapy, anger can also be a portal to healing. We get to ask: What am I protecting? What needs weren’t met? What parts of me are asking to be heard?

Why Confronting Anger in Therapy Matters

At Be/Here, we believe in welcoming every emotion, including the messy, complex ones. Anger deserves the same curiosity and compassion we might offer to sadness or fear.

Here’s what we’ve seen therapy help people uncover:

• Safer ways to express anger without harming themselves or others

• Understanding the root causes of chronic frustration or irritability

• Separating past experiences (like invalidation or trauma) from present triggers

• Reconnecting with personal power—especially after years of being silenced

• Learning to hold space for anger without fear or shame

Therapy doesn’t mean you’ll never feel angry again. But it does mean you’ll learn how to meet your anger with insight and boundaries, rather than fear or suppression.

A Queer Lens on Anger

For queer people—especially trans, nonbinary and racialised folks—anger often carries extra weight. It’s tied up in histories of oppression, experiences of microaggressions, or the exhaustion of constantly self-advocating in systems that weren’t built for us.

Your anger is not a failure. It’s a sign that you care, that something important is at stake. In therapy, you don’t have to shrink it down to be palatable. You get to explore it fully and begin to feel what it’s like to be safely, authentically angry.

Anger, Held with Care

If you’ve been taught to suppress your anger, or if you fear what might happen if you let it out, know this: you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you can find safe, supportive spaces to understand your feelings.

At Be/Here, our therapists work from a person-centred, trauma-informed approach. We welcome every part of you, including your anger. We don’t see it as something to “manage” or erase, but as something to meet with kindness, curiosity, and boundaries.

You deserve that kind of care. You deserve to feel your feelings safely, in your own time, in your way.

Want to talk to someone?

We offer person-centred therapy and free queer-affirming mental health workshops.

Learn more or join us at beheremcr.co.uk